It’s not always easy to talk about what you need. The goal is not to win but to maintain and strengthen the relationship. If you say “I’m fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signaling you are anything but “fine.”. Even if it happens in the heat of an argument, it's pretty much never OK to exchange nasty words, or attack each other's character. "Not being given that option is an indicator of how your partner views the relationship," she says. “My observations indicate that couples who share a common spirituality, common values, are stronger in their relationship. They seem to place a higher value of sustaining their union,” says Budash. 8. Honesty also builds trust … On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Of course, it’s important to be sensitive to what your partner likes. ", So if that's not the case, try to make a few changes. Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Many couples focus on their relationship only when there are specific, unavoidable problems to overcome. As Doares says, if it's something you can attend, your partner should, at the very least, extend an invitation. And even if you do know what you need, talking about it can make you feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or even ashamed. Learn more. If your partner's bad moods control the whole atmosphere of your relationship, it'll be difficult to feel safe, much less maintain a strong connection going forward. Instead of saying “I feel like you did this on purpose” or “It seems you don’t love me anymore,” you explain, “I feel hurt, disappointed, worried or scared,” she said. "It can look like jealousy that you are getting attention from others." It’s important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. Elevate your love life with practical dating advice delivered right to your inbox. Or that they have a problem they aren't talking about, and instead are choosing to take it out on you inadvertently. You have attraction and connection. “Relationships that have trust can surpass a multitude of conflicts and misunderstandings. When you do both of these things, it's no longer necessary to walk on eggshells. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It may mean they aren't fully invested in your future as a couple, or that they lack the maturity to do whatever's necessary to create a stronger relationship. 6 Signs Yours Is On Track, Relationship Moods: How To Manage A Moody Partner. It’s also important to be able to pay attention and acknowledge the effect your fears and insecurities have on your relationship, she said. All strong relationships have three things in common, according to Meredith Hansen, Psy.D, a psychologist and relationship expert: trust, commitment and vulnerability. It might also be a sign of another underlying problem, entirely. Many couples find that the face-to-face contact of their early dating days is gradually replaced by hurried texts, emails, and instant messages. Listening is a skill you can both work on improving over time. But if it keeps happening, you might start to question the strength of your relationship or if you're doing OK as a couple — and with good reason. 1. From moonshoot to balconing: discover the latest words added to the Collins Dictionary. I’m sure a lot of people would agree that we live in strange times. But if it seems like you're the only one who's willing to make effort, you may be saving yourself a lot of time by calling things off now, and finding someone who is more invested. An attentive partner is someone who understands how you feel, what you need, and what you want to say but maybe aren’t saying. Know when to let something go. So push back against it by creating boundaries, and talking with your partner about how you feel. Does your partner empathize with you? Exactly +1. “It’s super important in the day-to-day workings of any relationship, especially a committed one, to feel as if your partner has your back and truly understands, AND feels, your pain or happiness on some level,” says San Diego based licensed marriage and family therapist, Michelene Wasil. If your partner constantly sides with everyone else, and never seems to have your back, eventually you'll start to feel "isolated, disrespected, and undervalued," Alonna Donovan Makinson, MA, LPCC-S, a couples counselor, tells Bustle. Share the moments that brought the two of you together, examine the point at which you began to drift apart, and resolve how you can work together to rekindle that falling in love experience. Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers home or unexpectedly booking a table at their favorite restaurant. Millions of readers rely on HelpGuide for free, evidence-based resources to understand and navigate mental health challenges. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. 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