If he'd grown up in "boots" instead of "football cleats," we'd be looking at a faster, stronger version of Spain's Carles Puyol, complete with a questionable hairstyle that goes completely unquestioned in soccer. Already a genius at arguing demonstratively and ineffectively with officials. Bonus: his backstory stacks up against anything the world can compare in terms of triumph over poverty and adversity. We smell a roster spot opening up here. Goalies need long arms and slightly unstable personalities, because no sane, short-armed person in the world would consider playing the position. Football's been pretty good for him, but so far in the NFL, he's been a little too "pretty" to really kick ass as much we'd expected. He's displayed preternatural instincts in the Pittsburgh secondary for his entire career. Kinda cool." It's no secret that soccer is not the sport of choice in America. He's an NFL running back, so we know he's stronger than about 90% of the soccer players in the world. That's not just, "Yeah, he was recruited to play other sports in college. USA have clinched the most dramatic of victories at the 2010 FIFA World Cup to reach the Round of 16. I don't totally love soccer, but Fifa's completely awesome. Soccer Insider's take: Steady and efficient right back started at the 2006 World Cup. Ball-handling skills? We use cookies and other technologies to customize your experience, perform analytics and deliver personalized advertising on our sites, apps and newsletters and across the Internet based on your interests. But what if they never switched? He was recruited to play PG at UCLA and as an Option-QB at Nebraska. Dorktown: The NBA team that was the very best at being the very worst, Raising a glass to honor the greatest single-season dumpster fire in basketball history, Bill O’Brien was the perfect coach to ruin the Texans. — Spencer, The United States needs a kind of unhinged. In this country? Not in a bad way, either; but he's got a serious case of the Napolean complex, and we can use that our advantage. Find out more. See our, Read a limited number of articles each month, You consent to the use of cookies and tracking by us and third parties to provide you with personalized ads, Unlimited access to washingtonpost.com on any device, Unlimited access to all Washington Post apps, No on-site advertising or third-party ad tracking. Subscribe to our Free Newsletter, This Week in Sports ReferenceFind out when we add a feature or make a change. Captain of his German club, which he joined almost 12 years ago after leaving the University of Portland. We rely on readers like you to uphold a free press. ", Is there even a question that he would have been outrageously good at soccer, too? Kids play soccer for the first 10 years in life, maybe, and then they realize that football's the sport with 10 times the glamour, and 90% switch over from "the pitch" to "the gridiron." Chris Andersen fits the bill by being the total opposite of that pairing. I'm calling a Prada campaign where he's riding an elephant naked into a sunset labeled VICTOIRE. So, in the truest spirit of ignorant, self-absorbed Americans, we decided to break it down, and explain what the U.S. Men's National Team would look like in an Alternate Universe, where Americans actually cared about soccer. He also qualifies on the basis of his talent, too: a midfielder has to understand and dictate flow, something tennis players understand all too well. Come on. When the U.S. Men's National Team plays the best teams in the world, they're generally outclassed in every aspect of the game, including athleticism. — Spencer. You think we're just a bunch of ignorant American sports fans with no appreciation for the beautiful game? Are you a Stathead, too? International League Leaderboard Stat Requirements, Scores from any date in BAA/NBA or ABA history. The wingspan and jumping ability are positively Petr Cech-ian, while his Birdman celebration ensure he's got a built-in FIFA-grade celebration in the event of a World Cup victory gathering at midfield. You'd be maimed, and out of the game, and we just dare your ass to pull one of those red cards out of your pocket, ref. By clicking “I agree” below, you consent to the use by us and our third-party partners of cookies and data gathered from your use of our platforms. But it's not a reflection of America's athletes, right? Do you have a sports website? Throw in his absurd speed and ability to make defenders look like idiots, and Harvin would be a perfect fit up top. Roddick won't be the star of the team, but he will take the ball, see the striker hauling ass down the line, and put the ball on his toe a step ahead of the defender and in perfect position for a goal. You're saying that wouldn't translate to playing defense in soccer? the final, 23-man roster for the U.S. Men's National Team, Arsenal let Gunnersaurus go as part of COVID-19 cost-cutting, Rested and Reinvigorated Alejandro Pozuelo is having an MVP-calibre season for Toronto FC, Chicharito on Galaxy’s attacking woes: ‘That’s a question for Guillermo’, Tracking Luka Jovic’s Off Ball Movement vs Real Valladolid, A soccer player directed a slur at a gay player, so his teammates walked off the pitch, Sergiño Dest makes history as first American signed by FC Barcelona. We have tools and resources that can help you use sports data. — Spencer. Already coated in a brahsome patina of endless sports camps and free sports goods accumulated from a lifetime of sponsored athletics. Come get some, Italia. With Reggie Bush leading the charge up top, the US Men's National Team becomes about 10 times more explosive. After the 1950 World Cup, in which the United States upset England in group play 1–0, the U.S. was absent from the finals until 1990. And over the past few weeks, playing with some of the best international teams, there's one thing that consistently drives me crazy. Troy Polamalu, RBWith his hair, there's really no debate: the guy should be playing soccer. Russell Westbrook left an $8K tip for hotel staff at the NBA bubble. He's got unbelievable footwork and lateral movement. League Champion: United States. Sort of like hockey video games, you don't have to fully understand the sport to enjoy playing the video game. For another, in case you were unaware, this dude is a FREAK. It took an injury time goal from Captain Landon Donovan to fire the Americans into the next stage of the competition at the expense of Slovenia and Algeria. The trial date for the gender discrimination lawsuit brought by US women players against the US Soccer Federation has been pushed from May 5 to June 16.... more » 12.03.2020 01:49 Do you really think England or France could touch that roster? Yeah, that'd be an upgrade over Jon Bornstein. In most of these countries, soccer's THE sport. Complete list of players from USA roster in the 2010 FIFA Soccer World Cup: scroll for more >> Jersey: Player: You also agree to our Terms of Service. His shot-blocking skills translate to goalkeeping, while his hair, tattoos, and fondness for headbands throw him right into the soccer cultural milieu without a hiccup. Who's stopping this guy? Seriously. RONDO. Question, Comment, Feedback, or Correction? Aggression applied directly to the ball: defending personified, and a good thing to have loads of in both a linebacker or a defender at the highest level of competition.